Freedom from Anger

Every once in a while I meet someone who is so negative, so angry that they have forgotten how to enjoy life. On more than one occasion I have commented on their pattern of anger and have received an instant, angry response of "I'm not an angry person...humph, scowl, growl."

Anger is a surface feeling. It is always a cover for another more vulnerable feeling such as fear or frustration. Learning to recognize the underlying emotion can help you express your feelings with words instead of resorting to the primitive expression of acting out.

What a lot of people haven't realized yet is that anger is a choice. Sure all of us have moments of irritation, frustration and impatience, but it is our choice to foster those feelings and allow them to grow into anger and bad behavior. Although we would like to believe that we are not in control of our feelings and behaviors regarding anger, the fact is that we are - or at least we can choose to be.

Some people become so habitually angry that they actually become accustom to feeling negative and they forget what it felt like to be at peace with themselves and with the world. Anger, like gambling and alcohol can become an addiction, creating a sad and miserable lifestyle.

If you find yourself feeling negative, judgmental, angry or sullen much of the time you can choose today, this minute to change your life. Here are a few first steps you can take to begin feeling the peace and freedom that comes with ridding yourself of anger and negativity.

1. Make a firm and committed decision to replace every negative thought with a positive one.

2. Every time you have a judgmental, angry or negative thought replace it by thinking of something you are grateful for, something positive about the person you are thinking about or something you can do to stop the negative thought from turning into a negative behavior.

3. Start including feeling words in your vocabulary. Use I statements to express yourself, i.e. "I feel hurt when I am ignored because I fear that I'm not important to you."

4. Do something positive for yourself for every day that you are able to reach your goal of remaining positive.

5. Share your success with others. Teaching others is a great way to reinforce your own healthy habits. And letting others praise you for your efforts is positive reinforcement for a job well done.

6. Allow yourself to forgive. Forgiveness is a powerful deterrent to negativity. Learning to forgive yourself and others is one of the quickest ways to begin to feel less negative and angry. Forgiving doesn't mean that you now accept the wrong that has been committed; it just means that you have decided not to let your anger control your life or your feelings anymore.

7. Take a break. When you begin to feel frustrated step back from the situation and figure out what your true underlying feeling is. Then find words to express your fears and frustrations rather than exploding angrily.

Take your power back. Let go of your anger and allow yourself to start enjoying life. Today only comes around once. Choose to make it the happiest day yet.