Old Fashioned Family is Best for Children

Well I've got another granddaughter on the way. She is due in about a week but and we can hardly wait. As usual I wish we lived closer so that I could be a bigger part of my family's life. Being a mother, mother-in-law and grandmother has got to be the best part of life. I do believe that having a close loving family is the best way to enjoy life to the fullest.

There is something to be said for the way families used to function. I'm talking about family structure in world history up until about 100 years ago. Families stayed together geographically. Children grew up and married and still lived with their family - often in a new home built for them on the same piece of pasture land that they grew up on. Children were raised by their parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Cousins were best friends and family was the central focus of life.

In spite of the technological deficit and physical hardships, children felt secure in the large family unit. They had more than their parents telling them how to grow into adults, they had the example of everyone around them showing them social etiquette and family obligations. Work ethic was taught early on and they grew up knowing that their contribution to the family was important.

Mother-in-laws remembered what it felt like to be the young bride and new member of the family and so it was easy for them to welcome their son's wife with open, loving arms. If fact she was probably happy to have another woman in the family to commiserate with. Fathers were eager to see their young sons become men and so they encouraged them and accepted them as they grew into individuals with thoughts and opinions of their own.

Of course there were families with more than their share of troubles. I'm sure that mental illness, domestic violence and substance abuse tore families apart then just as they do now. And history is full of stories of children growing up to become outlaws and ladies of the night - likely products of these troubled families. But overall, I think that society functioned nicely for most.

Families today are becoming less cohesive and more isolated from each other and from society in general. We are becoming a culture of lonely, depressed islands unto ourselves. Parents rationalize that a nanny is a good substitute for their own time and attention. And the latest studies show that such children grow up narcissistic and dependent rather than feeling like important contributors to the world around them.

Truth is that no era in history seems to have completely mastered a way to produce a generation of whole, self assured adults. But I do believe that we are falling way off the mark in today's hedonistic, personal and family culture. We are experimenting with the lives of our children and paying too much attention to our own desires and not enough to the needs of our children.

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Now playing: KXNT
via FoxyTunes

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Now playing: KXNT
via FoxyTunes

Freedom from Anger

Every once in a while I meet someone who is so negative, so angry that they have forgotten how to enjoy life. On more than one occasion I have commented on their pattern of anger and have received an instant, angry response of "I'm not an angry person...humph, scowl, growl."

Anger is a surface feeling. It is always a cover for another more vulnerable feeling such as fear or frustration. Learning to recognize the underlying emotion can help you express your feelings with words instead of resorting to the primitive expression of acting out.

What a lot of people haven't realized yet is that anger is a choice. Sure all of us have moments of irritation, frustration and impatience, but it is our choice to foster those feelings and allow them to grow into anger and bad behavior. Although we would like to believe that we are not in control of our feelings and behaviors regarding anger, the fact is that we are - or at least we can choose to be.

Some people become so habitually angry that they actually become accustom to feeling negative and they forget what it felt like to be at peace with themselves and with the world. Anger, like gambling and alcohol can become an addiction, creating a sad and miserable lifestyle.

If you find yourself feeling negative, judgmental, angry or sullen much of the time you can choose today, this minute to change your life. Here are a few first steps you can take to begin feeling the peace and freedom that comes with ridding yourself of anger and negativity.

1. Make a firm and committed decision to replace every negative thought with a positive one.

2. Every time you have a judgmental, angry or negative thought replace it by thinking of something you are grateful for, something positive about the person you are thinking about or something you can do to stop the negative thought from turning into a negative behavior.

3. Start including feeling words in your vocabulary. Use I statements to express yourself, i.e. "I feel hurt when I am ignored because I fear that I'm not important to you."

4. Do something positive for yourself for every day that you are able to reach your goal of remaining positive.

5. Share your success with others. Teaching others is a great way to reinforce your own healthy habits. And letting others praise you for your efforts is positive reinforcement for a job well done.

6. Allow yourself to forgive. Forgiveness is a powerful deterrent to negativity. Learning to forgive yourself and others is one of the quickest ways to begin to feel less negative and angry. Forgiving doesn't mean that you now accept the wrong that has been committed; it just means that you have decided not to let your anger control your life or your feelings anymore.

7. Take a break. When you begin to feel frustrated step back from the situation and figure out what your true underlying feeling is. Then find words to express your fears and frustrations rather than exploding angrily.

Take your power back. Let go of your anger and allow yourself to start enjoying life. Today only comes around once. Choose to make it the happiest day yet.