Freedom from Anger

Every once in a while I meet someone who is so negative, so angry that they have forgotten how to enjoy life. On more than one occasion I have commented on their pattern of anger and have received an instant, angry response of "I'm not an angry person...humph, scowl, growl."

Anger is a surface feeling. It is always a cover for another more vulnerable feeling such as fear or frustration. Learning to recognize the underlying emotion can help you express your feelings with words instead of resorting to the primitive expression of acting out.

What a lot of people haven't realized yet is that anger is a choice. Sure all of us have moments of irritation, frustration and impatience, but it is our choice to foster those feelings and allow them to grow into anger and bad behavior. Although we would like to believe that we are not in control of our feelings and behaviors regarding anger, the fact is that we are - or at least we can choose to be.

Some people become so habitually angry that they actually become accustom to feeling negative and they forget what it felt like to be at peace with themselves and with the world. Anger, like gambling and alcohol can become an addiction, creating a sad and miserable lifestyle.

If you find yourself feeling negative, judgmental, angry or sullen much of the time you can choose today, this minute to change your life. Here are a few first steps you can take to begin feeling the peace and freedom that comes with ridding yourself of anger and negativity.

1. Make a firm and committed decision to replace every negative thought with a positive one.

2. Every time you have a judgmental, angry or negative thought replace it by thinking of something you are grateful for, something positive about the person you are thinking about or something you can do to stop the negative thought from turning into a negative behavior.

3. Start including feeling words in your vocabulary. Use I statements to express yourself, i.e. "I feel hurt when I am ignored because I fear that I'm not important to you."

4. Do something positive for yourself for every day that you are able to reach your goal of remaining positive.

5. Share your success with others. Teaching others is a great way to reinforce your own healthy habits. And letting others praise you for your efforts is positive reinforcement for a job well done.

6. Allow yourself to forgive. Forgiveness is a powerful deterrent to negativity. Learning to forgive yourself and others is one of the quickest ways to begin to feel less negative and angry. Forgiving doesn't mean that you now accept the wrong that has been committed; it just means that you have decided not to let your anger control your life or your feelings anymore.

7. Take a break. When you begin to feel frustrated step back from the situation and figure out what your true underlying feeling is. Then find words to express your fears and frustrations rather than exploding angrily.

Take your power back. Let go of your anger and allow yourself to start enjoying life. Today only comes around once. Choose to make it the happiest day yet.

Mother Nature, Gratitude & Enjoying Life

This is a picture of us at the beautiful Waimea Canyon in Hawaii. I'm the one in shorts, bundled up in my husbands' overcoat. We have several pictures of us at different tourist spots, but they all look pretty much like this one.

Actually it has been a great trip. We spent one beautiful day, in pouring rain, zip lining through the rain forest. Another day was spent at Hanalei Beach watching the muddy rivers pour into the ocean creating brown waves and dirty water. And finally one day was spent in thick fog.

I can't complain - much. It was our choice to come in November and Mother Nature has her own schedule to keep. But in spite of the interesting weather Kauai is still one of the most pleasant places on Earth.

I have repeatedly reminded myself that it is a wonderful blessing just to be here again - this time with my husband & our oldest son. At home my husband has to be at work much of the time, but here I have his undivided attention and that alone is something to be grateful for. My son lives in a different part of the state than we do so spending this time with him is priceless. In fact, when I think about it, there is really nothing to complain about.

Of course Hawaii is expensive. We went to a health food store to buy local beef and it was $9.09 per half pound; so we went elsewhere to buy meat and dinner was a raving success.

Some fellow tourists in a nearby condo have been yelling at each other, and at the child traveling with them, for much of the week. I feel sad for them. In spite of all the wonderful things we have to be grateful for it just seems pointless to allow discontent to block our ability to enjoy life - just the way it comes.

Oldies But Goodies

Some things just never get old. That is especially true for classic movies, I Love Lucy reruns and people you love. OK people might age, but when you love somebody their aging process is rarely a detriment. After all you are getting older too.

Perhaps that is why we have such a love for all things nostalgic. We remember things from our youth and for a moment we feel young again. We smile as we momentarily re-live a pleasant part of our past.

My mom, who is in her 80's, still stands up to dance when she hears big-band music. My husband loves to relax and watch Star Trek reruns - the original 60's version. He practically has the episodes memorized, but seeing them again and again does something for him. It makes him happy. I have re-connected with several old friends on Classmates.com over the last few years and it is always fun to reminisce with them about the "good-ol-days."

Enjoying life isn't always about creating new memories; sometimes enjoyment comes in old but well loved packages. Of course if we are to make sure that "today" eventually becomes one of the "good-ol-days," we have to make choices that create happiness in our life today. Most of the time that entails laughing at ourselves when we look silly, letting the little pleasures become important and remembering to appreciate everyone in our life. The crazy woman who lives next door might seem intolerable today, but someday, she might be the impetus for a great story.

Look around at your life and discover what you otherwise would have taken for granted today. Appreciate it, celebrate it and share it with someone you love.