Following Blindly for all the Wrong Reasons

Let me tell you a funny but poignant story I heard many years ago.

Four generations of women and their families gathered for New Years Eve. It was their tradition to fix a large turkey for dinner and this year it was the newlywed, the 4th generation to cook the large bird.

So, as she had been taught by her mother, she got out her large roasting pan, sliced the back end off the turkey and covered the rest with aluminum foil. Her young husband watched and admired his young bride for her complete knowledge of preparing a turkey to cook. But he was a bit perplexed about why she had cut off the back end of the turkey, so he inquired about it. “That is the way my mother always did it.” She replied.

So the young man went to his Mother-In-Law and asked her why she always cut the end off the turkey before cooking it. "Well son, she said, that is how mother taught me to do it and I never thought anything about it; so that is how I do it still.

The young husband sighed. He was an engineer and the answers he was getting just weren’t setting right with him; so he went to his wife’s grandmother and asked her the same question. Again the answer was the same – “that is how I was taught by my mother son.”


“Someone in this family has to know what the science behind this tradition is,” he thought to himself as he approached the elderly great grandmother. “Granny,” he uttered respectfully, “Why do all the women in your family cut the back end off of the turkey before cooking it?”

“Son,” she replied as she sat up in her wheel chair, “I don’t have a clue as to why those silly girls do that. As for me, when I was a young bride I didn’t have a pan big enough to hold a whole turkey so I cut the end off to make it fit.” The three younger women dropped their chins nearly to the floor when they discovered that what they thought was a family secret for cooking a good turkey actually turned out to be one generation after another carrying on a tradition that didn’t exist and had no positive benefit.

This time of year you may be spending time with relatives and that gives you an opportunity to look at the habits and traditions that your families have created either willfully or unconsciously; now is the time to decide which of those habits and traditions are positive and productive and should be preserved. And there are others that should be abandoned like drinking too much, staying so long that angry words start to fly, or realizing that you want to create some of your own traditions that will benefit your own family.

How can you make your family traditions so wonderful for your children and grandchildren that they will always remember them with joy and anticipation? What do you need to do to stop traditions that end up with children feeling left out, or people getting sloshed or rude or hurtful? You have control over your life. And you can make choices that will ensure that your immediate family lives happier lives because of the choices you made early on. Be more concerned about making yourself and your children happy than you are about the possibility of hurting someone else’s feelings – they are adults – they are capable of dealing with their own feelings; you are not in charge of monitoring their reactions to what you say or do.


1. Be independent and do what is right for your family.

2. Don’t feel so obligated to blindly follow old traditions, especially if they take away from your happy moments with your immediate family.

3. Remember what I say: “The choices you make today will determine your tomorrow; choose wisely!” Karen Dougherty MS

Here are the lyrics to a fun Christmas song written by Frank S. Stringham, a professional musician, entertainer and motivational speaker. You can reach his blog through the link S.Capades in my "links" on this page.

Have a great holiday, see you here next Friday.

Old Fake Nick

1. If you see Santa on a corner and he’s ringin’ on a bell
And he tells you it’s for charity, you know, for sure, darn well,
That he’s a fake,…ooooh, yeah he’s a fake
If you see him in the mall, and he’s actin’ kinda funny
And he tells you that, in fact, at Easter time he’s Easter Bunny
He’s a fake,…oooh, yeah a fake.
If he doesn’t know when you’re awake
You probably have guessed he’s good for nothin’ flake

2. If you remember that he’s often seen with reindeer and a sleigh
And you see him get into a Ford and start to drive away
Then he’s a fake,…ooooh, yeah he’s a fake
If you’ve heard that he is comin’ here from somewhere in the north
And he’s sittin’ there and asking for Tequila por favor,
Then he’s fake,…oooh, yeah he’s a fake
If he’s allergic to the milk, and the cookies and the cake
And the pasta, and the candy, and potatoes and the steak
He’s a fake. Yeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh….

Bridge
The real Santa Claus, you could never mistake
“Cause he makes you want to say, “Be good, for goodness sake”
Don’t you think we’ve taken all that we can take
Don’t it make you want to just Rattle, Roll, and Shake?
Oooooooohhh, Santa Baby….

3. If you know that Old Kris Kringle is an elf that’s overweight
But you see him bony skinny and he’s standin’ six foot eight
Then he’s a fake….oooh, yeah he’s a fake
If his eyes don’t ever twinkle and he doesn’t seem too jolly
And you realize he’s the one who has been smokin’ all the holly,
He’s a fake,…oooooh, yeah he’s a fake
If you see him playing flute, while charmin’ a snake
He also is a fakir, as well as being fake.

End
He’s a fake…yeah….he’s an imitation, fabrication, simulation fake!

---

Attitude Makes the Day

Well, this week I have pneumonia and it looks like I'll be ill through the Christmas Holiday.

So Last week I wrote about how important it is to laugh, but this week I'm revising that sentiment a bit to warn everyone out there who may have a pulmonary crisis this week (like I do), laughing can actually hurt more than it helps.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, my whole family laughs a lot. Our sense of humor is what ties us together. We laugh at ourselves, at each other and at all the strange things we discover out there in the world. So now that the family is beginning to show up at my house for the holiday it has been much more difficult for me to maintain my lack of affect. The problem is that when I laugh it starts a chain reaction of coughing, chocking and sputtering between each gulp of air. All the commotion sounds pretty silly so that gets everyone laughing harder - now at my expense - which makes my attempts to keep from laughing harder still. Consequently I have been laughing myself into a coma about every 25 minutes or so since they arrived.

My whole body aches. The laughing and consequent coughing has stretched muscles all the way up and down my sides so when I'm able to relax I still can't get comfortable. So I sit in some strange position, which of course strikes someone funny and the laughing starts all over again.

My son wanted to show us some funny video clips he found on You Tube when he got here tonight, and that got us going again. And then there were the Ugly Dog Pictures and a few jokes that just couldn't be passed up...By now I think I'm ready for the morgue. But I guess if one is bound to die, it wouldn't be so bad to die laughing.

For a few days I was feeling bad that I wasn't out there buying gifts and getting the decorations out, but now, after doing some on-line shopping and sending my hubby to get the tree all by himself, things are starting to look up again. Even in spite of serious illness, we have found a way to make the most of the holiday season. I'm not one to complain much, but I'm always in favor of making adjustments in order to allow life to be as fun and fulfilling as possible. I refuse to let physical limitations rob me and my family of a great time together. So I guess that is the theme of this blog, Attitude is the definitive ingredient to making any holiday great~ choose to entertain the happy and enjoyable themes and leave the rest behind. Life is too short to waste time complaining instead of loving what we can make out of what we already have. Smile, it will make your day!

Keep Your Cool

Well, the holiday shopping is in full swing, the lights are going up on the houses around town and the shopping centers have degenerated into temporary holding tanks for those who are suffering with a dreadful, uncontrollable illness known as "Shop-a-holic syndrome" This is a disease of the body mind and holiday spirit. The first symptoms toy with your mind and can seem harmless enough, for example: You notice that Mrs. Jones has just brought home a Gucci bag, the same model that was displayed in the store window. You politely look away but before you can get a handle on your raging jealousy, the "illness" rears its ugly head, you smile, turn casually around and say, "Oh, Ms. Jones, Where did you find that quaint, Gucci knock-off? I saw one just like it in So-Ho for $15. You are so good to help the poor street vendors out like that." Then symptoms of the body take over as you wave casually goodbye, get into your car and then dangerously, race to the store only to discover that every Gucci Purse in the store has at least 2 women fighting over it. But today, you must get a purse, and, it has to be to-die-for - the brawl kills any spirit you had left for the season.

Well, maybe it's because I live in the country, or perhaps I just don't like crowds, I find it much less stressful to shop online. The major people in my family have on-line wish lists. That makes shopping a breeze. Out of 500 items I pick a few and thy are always delighted on Christmas morning.

Shopping on-line I avoid obsessed, neurotic people who insist that my parking space was really meant for them. Shopping on-line, I end up with no car repair bills, no lawyers and no headache; works for me.

Of course there is something nostalgic about taking the family to the mall and letting everyone spread out so that they can shop in secrecy. It is like a game of Clue as everyone acts like they want to avoid the rest of the family, but secretly they spy on each other hoping to get a glance of their future gift. If you go early, on a Tuesday Morning, you can get your shopping done in less time than it will take the thieves in your neighborhood to raid your home and steal all the presents you bought yesterday. But if you take time out to have lunch, take the kids to the arcade and stand in line to see Santa, you might as well give in to the fact that it is going to be a very long and exhausting day.

Some of my kids have made homemade gifts for each of us for Christmas and we cherish those things they put so much thought and effort into. One year they recorded classical hymns with both of them singing (they are professional singers) and that is something we will love always. One year my son wrote a little book, a story of the true meaning of Christmas, I show it proudly in my library. A pair of socks, another trinket for my shelves would be nice, but it is the love and attention that the personal gifts carry with them that I cherish.

So I'm not telling you to stop shopping and start crafting. I just thought that if you could give a little thought to the quality of the experiences you want to create for your holiday season, and then organize activities and duties in a way that will help your holiday dreams to come true, and then you just might get your wish. If you are happy the whole family will be happier. And that isn’t such a bad thing.

Laughter is Good Therapy

-The average adult laughs about 15 times per day
-The average preschooler laughs about 400 times per day.

“Psychotherapists have discovered humor as an aid in the treatment of several clinical disorders, most notably depression. Humor has been reported to strengthen the bond between client and therapist in the treatment process, increasing the progress toward recovery.” (Fry and Salameh, Catholic Health Association.)

As a therapist, I see people all the time who take themselves way too seriously. And one way that I know when a client is starting to heal is by the degree to which they are willing to laugh at life and at themselves.

I will never forget how impressed a mother was that I was able to “heal” her 14 year old son so quickly. In fact, it was humor that started him on his road to recovery. Early on I realized that the young man was terribly serious, and that his seriousness was a cover for intense fear; fear of rejection, fear of failure and fear of looking imperfect to family and friends.

The first 3 sessions he cried; then I discovered that he had a secret love of the comic strip “The Far Side.” I happened to have a large “The Far Side” book, so I loaned it to him. The next session was spent talking about the cartoons he enjoyed the most, and we laughed until he cried again. Until that day his mother hadn’t realized that he had a passion for humor. But after that day, both of his parents started lightening up and began laughing with him and his siblings regularly. The boy relaxed. In fact it seemed that the whole family began feel happier. They thought I was a miracle worker, but in fact, humor entered their life and tension began to fade.

Today laugh like a child, and it will be a great day.

Research has shown that laughing can help in:
• lowering blood pressure
• reducing stress hormones
• increasing muscle flexion
• boosting immune function by raising levels of infection-fighting T-cells, disease-fighting proteins called Gammainterferon and B-cells, which produce disease-destroying antibodies triggering the release of endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers producing a general sense of well-being.

Quotes:

Seven days without laughter make one weak.
-Joel Goodman
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.
-Victor Borge