10 Tips For Enjoying Family Gatherings

The holidays are fast upon us. For some of us the holidays can be a time we look forward to, a time to enjoy the increase of good-will that seems to increase for a time. But for many, the holidays brings less benevolent feelings; feelings of loss, of loved ones that won't be coming home this year. Or perhaps everyone is coming for dinner and that brings up feelings of anger, jealousy or discomfort.

So, how can we get through the holidays without loosing our temper at inlaws or without feeling abandoned by those who aren't there?

1. First of all remember that you don't have to go anywhere you don't want to go. If you are invited to Uncle Joe's house for a party, but you cannot stand the way certain family member behave at family gatherings, you have the right and the choice to not go. Keeping your won sanity is much more important than trying to cater to people who really don't care much about you.
   

2. Set realistic goals
   This is key for keeping expectations simple -- for yourself and others. Don't expect that Uncle Joe is going to be a great guy (this time) just because it is the holiday season.
   

3. Make a budget and stick to it
   Financial worries add more stress. Don't try to keep up with everyone else. Spend what you can afford. Seek out free activities. Just because Great Aunt Betty gives you a gift doesn't meant you have to reciprocate.
   

4. Don't overdo
   Try not to overeat or drink excessively to escape stressful feelings. Eat healthy foods and get plenty of exercise. Allow for extra time when traveling. After dinner get out of the house and go for a walk instead of sitting next to Cousin Marty while he talks politics.
   

5. Pace yourself
   The holidays are more than one day; spread enjoyable activities throughout the entire season. With enough enjoyable activities with people of your own choosing you can breeze through until January without pulling your hair out
   

6. Try to stay in the present
   Look forward to the future. Life is full of change. Consider what is important in your life and good about these times. Don't set yourself up by comparing today with the good old days. This is especially true if you are missing a loved one. Cherish them in your private monents, but don't allow your loss to permeate your thoughts during what are supposed to be the happy moments. Enjoy those who are still with you.
   

7. Organize your time
   Make a list and star the important activities. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. Be careful not to overbook yourself. Remember, you don't have to go if you really don't want to. The world won't fall apart if you don't show up at your neighbors Apple Bash.
   

8. Honor your own feelings
   Remember that the holiday season does not banish reasons for feeling sad or lonely. There is room for these feelings to be present. But plan times alone when you can express your feelings fully so that you don't have to carry them on your sleeve.
   

9. Spend time with supportive and caring people
   Don't waste your energy on "toxic" people or distant acquaintances.

10. Save time for yourself
    Recharge your batteries. Let others share some of the responsibilities.