Be Easy on Each Other

Today's Blog is in late because, well, I was in bed early and slept late; my version of recovery after a day full of cooking, family and stress. Of course most of the stress was good stress. But it seems that with every family gathering there is bound to be at least one point of undesirability. Perhaps it comes when uncle Joe flatulates at the table sending the adults running out of the room looking for air freshener and the kids giggling out of control. Or perhaps it happens when Grandma starts crying after mentioning how fun the holiday used to be when Grandpa was here to carve the turkey. Whatever the case, one moment of undesirable stress can take it's toll even on the best of days.

So now that the day is over and you are committed to either sit and watch football all day or go to the mall and shop till you drop, it is all our way of taking care of ourselves amidst stressful encounters. So today, let's be easy on each other. You go do your thing and let everyone around you do theirs. It is all decompression and all necessary. Let's not linger on the negative, or continually search out accolades for a job well done. Let's just go about life in a way that is good for us and hopefully, benefits the rest of the family. After all, once the weekend is over you will have to start thinking about how to deal with the next holiday family gathering. And that will take a clear mind and an untroubled heart.

Pay it Forward

This Thursday most of us here in the US will be glutting ourselves on turkey and pumpkin pie. There will be family gatherings and plans will be made for December holidays. Some of you live in areas where the weather is already cold and you have to remind yourself to bring an umbrella or to get out that windshield scraper. And for most of us, those who can get to a computer to read this blog, life just doesn't seem so bad.

Although I'm not going to guilt you into a generous frame of mind, I am going to talk a little about how giving to others can be the best therapy for whatever ails you. Those who have given of themselves on a regular basis realize that by doing good to others they themselves feel happier and more satisfied with life. This is a great time of year, there are so many opportunities to help others. Anyone can write a check to give to charity, but it is the giving of your own person, your time and your love that not only can enlighten another sole, but will help you become uplifted in the process.

Joseph B. Lightfoot said: Try to help others. Consult their weaknesses, relieve their maladies; strive to raise them up, and by so doing you will most effectually raise yourself up also.

We who have much are continually tempted to become deeply engrossed in our own affairs. We claim to be busier than God and quite often it feels as if we truly are. However, egotism and hedonistic pleasure seeking will never bring us true joy. In fact, true happiness comes only when we share a part of ourselves with another.
Mother Teresa once said: Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world.

She often claimed that although she lived without monetary privilege, that because of her service to others, she was happier than most. Her family was the world. But for many of us, our family is a small selected few with whom we live; and charity begins at home.

I'm not asking that you leave your home and possessions and join the Peace Corps, but wouldn't it be wonderful if you, and everyone around you would commit to do one simple task each day to brighten the life of a friend, or a family member? Say hello to a lonely child. Help someone with their groceries. During this holiday season let's take a moment to do our part to bring peace to the world.

10 Tips For Enjoying Family Gatherings

The holidays are fast upon us. For some of us the holidays can be a time we look forward to, a time to enjoy the increase of good-will that seems to increase for a time. But for many, the holidays brings less benevolent feelings; feelings of loss, of loved ones that won't be coming home this year. Or perhaps everyone is coming for dinner and that brings up feelings of anger, jealousy or discomfort.

So, how can we get through the holidays without loosing our temper at inlaws or without feeling abandoned by those who aren't there?

1. First of all remember that you don't have to go anywhere you don't want to go. If you are invited to Uncle Joe's house for a party, but you cannot stand the way certain family member behave at family gatherings, you have the right and the choice to not go. Keeping your won sanity is much more important than trying to cater to people who really don't care much about you.
   

2. Set realistic goals
   This is key for keeping expectations simple -- for yourself and others. Don't expect that Uncle Joe is going to be a great guy (this time) just because it is the holiday season.
   

3. Make a budget and stick to it
   Financial worries add more stress. Don't try to keep up with everyone else. Spend what you can afford. Seek out free activities. Just because Great Aunt Betty gives you a gift doesn't meant you have to reciprocate.
   

4. Don't overdo
   Try not to overeat or drink excessively to escape stressful feelings. Eat healthy foods and get plenty of exercise. Allow for extra time when traveling. After dinner get out of the house and go for a walk instead of sitting next to Cousin Marty while he talks politics.
   

5. Pace yourself
   The holidays are more than one day; spread enjoyable activities throughout the entire season. With enough enjoyable activities with people of your own choosing you can breeze through until January without pulling your hair out
   

6. Try to stay in the present
   Look forward to the future. Life is full of change. Consider what is important in your life and good about these times. Don't set yourself up by comparing today with the good old days. This is especially true if you are missing a loved one. Cherish them in your private monents, but don't allow your loss to permeate your thoughts during what are supposed to be the happy moments. Enjoy those who are still with you.
   

7. Organize your time
   Make a list and star the important activities. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. Be careful not to overbook yourself. Remember, you don't have to go if you really don't want to. The world won't fall apart if you don't show up at your neighbors Apple Bash.
   

8. Honor your own feelings
   Remember that the holiday season does not banish reasons for feeling sad or lonely. There is room for these feelings to be present. But plan times alone when you can express your feelings fully so that you don't have to carry them on your sleeve.
   

9. Spend time with supportive and caring people
   Don't waste your energy on "toxic" people or distant acquaintances.

10. Save time for yourself
    Recharge your batteries. Let others share some of the responsibilities.

Overcoming the Winter Blues

There is no need to suffer with the Winter Blues when there are some simple remedies that can have you singing-in-the-rain in no time at all. Now I'm not talking about a quick fix to a true clinical depression; for that you may need to seek professional help. But I do have the cure to those dark day blues that can catch us by suprise during the winter months. The following remedies may sound silly or even foolish, but I promise you that if you take them to heart and practice them when you are feeling down, you will start feeling better in no time.

1. Smile. It sounds silly, but studies have shown
   that even a fake smile produces "feel good" chemicals
   (endorphins) in your brain. Go find a mirror and force
   yourself to smile for at least five minutes. Go ahead, make faces at yourself if you want to. If your not
   laughing by within a minute or two, go outside and smile at strangers. Sound
   Strange? (You're probably smiling at the thought of it,
   right now!) It may be strange, but it works, I guarantee
   it!
   
2. Exercise. A good swift walk around the block
   or 15 minutes of aerobics will stimulate your brain's "feel
   good" chemicals. If you get into the habit of doing a
   little daily exercise, you can reduce your recurring feelings
   of despair by a drastic degree. If aerobics isn't your
   thing, just go for a 20 minute walk every day.
   
3. Keep a journal. In your journal write about
   whatever is bothering you. Write your feelings in all
   their blackness. Write about what part of the situation
   you did have, or could have had, some choice, some control
   over part of it. Then before you're through, for each
   entry, end the list with at least one thing you like about
   yourself. Then write one thing you would like to do to
   help someone else, (open a door for an older person at
   the mall, say something sweet to a child, etc.)
   
4. Do a good deed. This is another of those weird
   suggestions that sounds unrealistic. However, over and
   over, people have experienced, and studies confirm, that
   when you get out of your egocentric world of "woe-is-me,"
   and spend time helping others, you tend to forget about
   your problems, and your dreary feelings disappear. It's
   like nature's magical remedy. Even Oprah recommends serving others as a way to save ourselves. Try it- it works!
   
5. Talk to someone. Find someone you can trust.
   I don't mean your best friend who has, in the past, "leaked"
   something you have told them in confidence. I mean someone
   you KNOW will not tell anyone and who will not judge you
   or try to tell you HOW to feel. Someone who will just
   let you get it out of your system without trying to "fix
   it." If you're so inclined, cry while you talk. Studies
   (yes I read a lot of studies), have shown that depression's
   chemicals, produced by your brain, come out in your tears.
   Crying is a wonderful way to relieve yourself of the excess.
   It hurts for a while, but generally, afterward, you will
   feel much better.