Stupid Criminals

Three teens suspected of burglarizing vehicles were arrested after they attempted to elude a police car by turning into a police station.
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Bank Robber returns to bank to open account. 11/25/01: A man without principle attracted a lot of interest after he returned to a Queens bank he had robbed to open up a savings account there, police said. "What a dope!" said one amazed police official, who could barely contain his laughter. "This guy has to get the jackass of the year award. I guess that's why they call them 'criminals' - they're just sometimes really stupid."
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ENGLEWOOD, Colo. - A man robbing a bank demanded the money by writing a note on one of his own checks, authorities say. Not surprisingly, he was caught soon afterward.
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MANNING, S.C. - Amber Renee Helton was trying to avoid legal problems by paying a traffic ticket. She ended up behind bars when authorities found out she drove a stolen car to the courthouse to pay it, police said.
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MONROE -- A man and woman robbed a busy Starbucks early yesterday morning and wound up serving coffee through the drive-up window for at least 30 minutes to make additional cash. They then waited until business slowed enough to make a getaway.
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ELKO, Nev. An off-duty sheriff's deputy was pulled over and charged with driving under the influence — by her husband, a fellow deputy.
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David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.
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Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "That was no gun", said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed the jacket over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.
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Oklahoma City -Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your [expletive] head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "-if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommend a 30-year sentence.
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STEVENS POINT, Wis. -- A woman didn't have to look far to figure out who likely broke into her home and took a camera from her purse. Police said the burglar left behind his probation and parole card.
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