Family: Don't Waste Your Life Being Angry

What is it about families that make it so easy to hold a grudge and so hard to let by-gones be by-gones? Friends may stay around for a long while, but even our best friends are rarely with us forever. On the other hand, our family will always be our family. We can refuse to speak to some of them and we can choose to punish them with our anger, but they will still influence a large part of our life. Even "disowning" a family member can't erase the impact they have on our life.

Overcoming our anger means acknowledging our hurt, and it is the emotional pain that is at the bottom of most family squabbles. We humans have a tendency to ignore our pain and replace it with feelings we feel more comfortable with such as superiority and pride.

It is much easier to elevate our own importance in order to reduce the importance of someone close to us. But doing so never eases the emotional pain for long. Emotional pain has a way of festering and then popping out in all kinds of destructive ways - one of which is bitterness. When we choose to ignore our hurt feelings we are inviting negative feelings into our life that can infect all of our other relationships.

Our family members are not so different than we are. In fact they are probably more like us than we care to admit, which is another reason why we have difficulty with some of them. We hate being constantly reminded of our own shortcomings and so we often criticize family for things we hate about ourselves. Again, it seems easier than looking at the truth about ourself.

Forgiveness is a much misunderstood concept, but it is one of the most powerful and constructive things we can do to rid ourself of a bitter and destructive lifestyle. Forgiveness requires a couple of very important abilities, releasing our own stubborn pride, and accepting our role in the conflict. It requires us to move beyond the prison that hate keeps us in and choosing to grow beyond our hurt and anger.

It requires a lot of conscious effort, but the outcome will be worth it. And what can be better than being OK with family events instead of being continually stressed by them?