Family: Don't Waste Your Life Being Angry

What is it about families that make it so easy to hold a grudge and so hard to let by-gones be by-gones? Friends may stay around for a long while, but even our best friends are rarely with us forever. On the other hand, our family will always be our family. We can refuse to speak to some of them and we can choose to punish them with our anger, but they will still influence a large part of our life. Even "disowning" a family member can't erase the impact they have on our life.

Overcoming our anger means acknowledging our hurt, and it is the emotional pain that is at the bottom of most family squabbles. We humans have a tendency to ignore our pain and replace it with feelings we feel more comfortable with such as superiority and pride.

It is much easier to elevate our own importance in order to reduce the importance of someone close to us. But doing so never eases the emotional pain for long. Emotional pain has a way of festering and then popping out in all kinds of destructive ways - one of which is bitterness. When we choose to ignore our hurt feelings we are inviting negative feelings into our life that can infect all of our other relationships.

Our family members are not so different than we are. In fact they are probably more like us than we care to admit, which is another reason why we have difficulty with some of them. We hate being constantly reminded of our own shortcomings and so we often criticize family for things we hate about ourselves. Again, it seems easier than looking at the truth about ourself.

Forgiveness is a much misunderstood concept, but it is one of the most powerful and constructive things we can do to rid ourself of a bitter and destructive lifestyle. Forgiveness requires a couple of very important abilities, releasing our own stubborn pride, and accepting our role in the conflict. It requires us to move beyond the prison that hate keeps us in and choosing to grow beyond our hurt and anger.

It requires a lot of conscious effort, but the outcome will be worth it. And what can be better than being OK with family events instead of being continually stressed by them?

Don't Let Negativity Become Your Identity

Ever meet someone who seems to be perpetually negative, grouchy or just plain unhappy? Have you ever been that person? All of us have moments of disenchantment with life, but allowing those moments to drag on into a life long pattern is a choice. Ask any child if they want to grow up to be a negative grouch and they will tell you NO! And yet some of us at some point in our life choose that role as our identity.

Perpetual unhappiness is not a personality type. It is something we do have control of. Sometimes when I tell my clients this, they complain that I just don't understand what they have been through. Truth is, I do know how life can seem to continually deal you a bad hand. But that doesn't mean that you have to allow those bad hands to forever cloud your ability to enjoy life.

Every day when you get out of bed you have a choice; you can put on a smile and attack the day head on, determined to do what you can to make it great, or you can let the darkness control your destiny. The solution is simple, however, implementing that solution takes a determined spirit. I never say it will be easy, but I promise you that if you do your best every day to smile, and do all that you can do to keep the negative attitudes away, you will begin to enjoy your life.

So I'm asking you, Do you want to grow up to be negative and unhappy? Or would you rather reach out and grab for all the happiness you desire? Determine today to make that answer a reality! You can do it.